Living For List
You have to live for something, even in hell
The first year I taught undergraduates, I was excited for Valentine’s Day.
I was teaching creative writing, and had planned a whole lesson on the dual theme of Love/Death. I dressed the part, wearing a hot pink sweater (what I wouldn’t give for that sweater now) and a black lace skirt with my beloved knee-high black pleather boots. On the reading docket were poems by Emily Dickinson and Sappho. I even brought heart-shaped cookies. It was going to be great.
Except no one showed.
Students had boyfriends, girlfriends, or partners visiting, or they had gone home or to other colleges to see their loved ones. They had parties to get to. The class was so empty, I think I just let them go.
This year, I’m excited for Valentine’s Day again. Not because I have a Valentine. I do not. I am my own Valentine—and I will be watching the season premiere of Yellowjackets in front of a fire with a fancy dinner. One of my oldest, smartest friends and I will message each other detailed theories about the show. (And yes, we should both be hired for the writers’ room. We can do it.) I’m really looking forward to that.
I’m excited for March because I have some book events lined up, and have tickets for a new musical in NYC. I’m excited for April because I’ll be seeing one of my favorite comedians.
How can I be excited about anything while in the dark hell most of us in the world—certainly in this country—are currently living through?
Because you have to live for something, even in hell.
I live for my kid and family, of course, and my community, and nature, and art.
But those are sweeping, big picture things. Those are long-term things, and their grand abstractions don’t always get me up in the morning. I get my kid up in the morning.
I have to live for something day to day. I have to have something to look forward to, even or especially small, so-called ordinary things. Clean sheets, an electrolyte mix in my water, thick wool socks, going ice skating, a letter from my pen pal.
This is also why I like writing first thing, at 7 am before my day job starts. If my book is going well, I get to disappear from the ghoulish real world for a bit. If it’s not going well, I get to problem solve. I can’t fix the planet but I can fix this plot.
Something not too expensive, or fancy, or far, something that keeps you keeping on in a world that wants you to quit.
Not long ago I read about the idea of novelty. That, in order to be happy, a person needs one novel activity every month, and a smaller novelty every week.
Weekly, it might be visiting a coffeeshop, making a new recipe, buying a book. Monthly, it might be traveling to a new town, going to a play, going on a new friend date.
In this dystopia, in these constant pandemic times, it’s not always easy or affordable to do a weekly novelty. So I’m focusing on months. I’m focusing on seasons. And I’m not planning huge, expensive events but manageable ones. Friends and birthdays are great things to put on your living for list.
Last month, it was my own birthday. I drove a couple hours to the city in which I have good, old friends, and we went out for mocktails and dinner at two places with great food and cozy atmospheres. It was perfect and manageable. Not a blow-out party, not a huge expense. Not even a lot of friends, but three: just enough. Then it was another friend’s birthday, and I drove to see her, to eat delicious food, make some new friends, see some wildlife, and to stay in a new-to-me hotel for a night.
One night hotel stays are a good, living for list item. So is a visiting exhibit at a museum.
You just have to have something irregular to look forward to on a regular basis, something not too expensive, or fancy, or far, something that keeps you keeping on in a world that wants you to quit. Don’t listen to it.
A Spell for Protection
This is another, very small action you can do for yourself or another: put a bay leaf in your pockets. Bay leaves aren’t just for soups (or spells for prosperity). They also represent protection, which is something many of us could use right now. Put one in each pocket and go about your day into a better someday.