Maybe it’s my age, the difficult age we live in, or the fact that I survived a bad illness in February which has left me with lingering, ongoing symptoms, but I’ve been thinking about mortality more and more. I’ve been thinking about time.
In the clock of the publishing industry, I am a cog as an author. The industry moves so fast, and then it slows to barely a crawl, ticking along. Edits must be returned within weeks. Decisions on book covers and back copy need to be made seemingly at once. There’s no news, then all the news at the same time.
I remember when I first started working as a freelance reporter, I was aghast at how quickly editors wanted revisions returned—but that pace was good training for me as a fiction writer. That speed continues, in many regards, with the publishing industry. It can make you feel dizzy, because the process of actually writing books can be so slow.
But here’s the paradox: publishing is also slow. It’s hurry up and wait. It’s months of nothing upon nothing, then a flurry of emails and decisions to settle on immediately. The publishing industry has its own, magical schedule, kind of like academia. It’s slow during the summer—and it’s slowing again right now in early November, as my agent said in a recent email. The industry is making its long gentle slide toward the winter holidays, when nothing gets done or at least: decided.
The best cure for anxiety about finished work is to make new work.
Right now, I’m waiting too in possibly one of the most dreaded times of a novelist’s career. My new book is on submission, being read by editors. And I am treading water in a very large ocean made of what if’s.
The best cure for anxiety about finished work is to make new work. I’ve known that for a long time, and I try to subscribe to it. If you’re waiting—on anything, from hearing back from agents or editors to feedback from friends—try writing. Distract yourself with another world, one wholly different if possible from your project currently in limbo. I do have a new project, but I’m still in the stage of trying to get into it, trying to understand the characters and tell their story faithfully. I’m waiting here too, for my break-through. It will come.
I can’t control the pace of my story either, not when I’m first living it.
One thing that’s a comfort to me is actually the changing of the seasons. That’s something that has become more important to me since the pandemic started because the change is something to look forward to. Some difference. Some break in the daily pattern and boring routine. I’m trying to find the interest in change, not the anxiety. And each season, each month, has its own particular joy, from the bright leaves and fun horror of Halloween to the cozy darkness of November (I’m trying to look on November’s bright side).
So does each step of the publishing process, from the excitement of querying agents to the jitters of publication day to the slowdown of you alone at the desk, telling yourself a story once again.
It’s a ride, art and life.
The wheel keeps turning. And we can hang on, resist its pull, fight it—or move with it. The great thing about a wheel is that you won’t be on any one stop for long. That’s the joy and the frustration: it won’t last, whatever it is. So you might as well enjoy it.
My Secret Sweet Pumpkin Seeds
This too is magic: throwing things together, making new things out of remnants, trash. I read someone recently disparaging roasted pumpkin seeds as … soggy? They are a treat that has never let me down (or been soggy). My secret? Leaving the seeds in the oven for longer than the recipe says. Whatever recipe you use, it’s probably not long enough. I leave them in for about 30 minutes, checking and stirring, so they’re crispy.
If you still have some pumpkins around, clean them out. Wash the seeds, let them dry on paper towels, then spread them on a cookie sheet. Add some very generous swigs of olive oil, then salt. And I actually like to make mine sweet with some brown sugar, cinnamon … and lots of cardamom. Mix the seeds around with the spices and oil, then place in an oven preheated to about 350. It’s gonna take time.